Life, the Universe and Pottermore.

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A while ago I didn’t know what Pottermore was. I still didn’t till yesterday, because whatever little bit I’d been hearing of it sounded utterly daft to me.

I like Harry Potter. Reading used to be a passion of mine when I was around ten, and by then I had finished all the six books. The day the seventh one released, I started reading it and I finished it about three days later. All in all it was a good experience, and I admire J.K. Rowling for being able to write such brilliant works and influence so many people throughout the world, including me, through her magical books.

But Pottermore was still daft. Despite that, I made an account on the insistence of a friend of mine. The thing that struck me immediately was that I couldn’t decide my name. That’s odd, I thought. And really stupid. But I suppose it’s a good move, considering it’s the internet. So I picked one of the five options presented to me: ShieldRain16166.

I like rain, and I like shields. The numbers aren’t that bad either. There are three sixes and it starts with one, which my Youtube account does too. But then it went downhill. I had to sit through a couple of dozen bandwidth hogging flash pages where all I did was *click*. I liked the art, but patience is a virtue. And I possess none of it. Finally I reached Hogwarts and the fun part started: the sorting.

Going into it, I fully expected to turn up into Slytherin. In real life I find myself not giving too many damns. I love famous people, even if they’re not the best role models (Castro, Chairman Mao, John Lennon and others). I think I have a lot of qualities that the Slytherins would love to acquire, like a way with words, a fascination for evil, a liking towards silver and general hatred towards the general populace.

If not Slytherin, atleast Ravenclaw. I like being smart, or rather pretending to be smart. Because I’m not smart, but pretense plays a long way in your daily life and if you believe that you can fool everyone on the planet, you usually do. But I ended up being a Gryffindor. I like that, but it was unexpected. I don’t think I am what you could call ‘brave’ or adventurous. My idea of an adventure is checking out what’s there in the fridge.

I had to buy some sill cauldrons and stuff in Diagon Alley, but after that I could buy a wand. I was looking forward to that. I don’t remember what it’s made of, but I like the length of my wand.


Well, there you go. It’s made of beech and unicorn feathers or tails or something. I’m happy that there’s atleast some unicorn in there, because I’ve killed HUNDREDS of unicorns in Skyrim. One of them probably made its way into this.

I also bought a cat. The most expensive one, too. Galleons remind me of Dubloons on Neopets. Thick, heavy gold coins. So I wanted to get rid of it. And having a cat is better than having a bird because cats don’t fly away when you threaten them with bow and arrows.

I tried to update my status after that, and I was surprised at their strictness. I mean I understand that this Pottermore is British, and that Britian is just a pseudonym for Oceania in 1984, but I wasn’t allowed to use any French word, or the word ‘loony’, ‘psychopath’, ‘hitler’, ‘sex’, ‘Koomar’ (I have no idea why), ‘Chivas’, or ‘gay’. Also, ‘Edgar Allan Poe’, ‘corporation’ and ‘eggman’. And just in case you had any doubts that Pottermore is trying to avoid the eventual realisation of Big Brother’s dominance, even ‘doubleplusgood’ is banned.

Eventually I was able to write something, despite the word ‘Two’ being banned too.


But the reason I wrote this is because I need Pottermore friends to duel against, because I’m lonely and I need company.

Follow Upamanyu Acharya:

IIM Ahmedabad MBA 2021. My hobbies include being vague, bending rules, time-travel, and embellishment of words. This is my personal blog where I write on topics ranging from blockchain, to leadership skills and the consistency of jam.

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