Things I’d do in outer-space.

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If there’s anything I love more than what I love the most, it’s the vastness of the cosmos. I’d wish that the world wasn’t as stupid as it is, because if the United States spent merely HALF of what they spend towards war towards space exploration, I’m pretty sure we would be having moon holidays by now. Space is one of those things that never loses its charm. One can get tired of something that they seemingly like a lot. It happened to me with aerated drinks, chicken nuggets, the Teletubbies and even art in the form of paintings. Who knows? I might grow up to start disliking Pink Floyd.


No, that’s unpossible.

Space is full of interesting things, most of which humans have no clue about. I do believe in Vogons, and mice being pan-dimensional beings having three dimensional protrusions in this universe. And I definitely believe in 42.
But I know that most of my dreams about meeting Magratheans and reading Vogon poetry won’t ever reach fruition, but I do hope that I will be able to reach space one day. If the technology doesn’t exist or if I’m not fit to be an astronaut, I’ll just invent it, like I did with my time machine.

Note: to all of you who are new to this blog, or haven’t read humour before, I do not endorse animal cruelty, worship of God or pollution to the fabric of space-time.

So, here are the things I’d do if I could freely do anything in space:


1) Use a fountain pen. I know it won’t work, but I’ll just try and blow it from the top and see if the ink comes out in blobs, because in zero gravity, matter with strong inter molecular force has the tendency to form spheres.

2) Take pictures. This one’s rather obvious. When I’m closer to the moon I’ll try and take a better picture of it than the one over here. 

3) Swim. I really can’t swim. I’m like the land equivalent of mud-fish. It’ll be fun to experience it in space. A giant swimming pool; a huge ball of water in the centre of an even more gigantic swimming pool (which will basically be a giant spherical room). Whenever you get tired of holding your breath, just jump out of the sphere. It’s a novel idea. 

4) Play the grand piano (and prop up my mortal remains).

5) Write a blog post to keep you guys informed. And update my twitter feed. And brag about it on facebook. Because you’re not really in space unless all your online contacts know about it.

I’d do other things too of course. Some might not be totally appropriate for outer-space, but hey, it’s space, and there are no laws over there. Also look out for the sequel to this post: things I’d do with a time machine.
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Upamanyu Acharya is a writer who doesn't write. Sometimes he's an artist, musician, photographer, physicist or lazy student. His hobbies include being vague, bending rules, time-travel, and embellishment of words. This is his personal blog where he writes on topics ranging from leadership skills to the consistency of jam.

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