Yesterday I found this very weird chocolate. Not really found, more like… picked up from a place in my house that I’m not supposed to. It looked pretty cool. You know those chocolates that have rum or brandy or some other alcoholic substance in the centre? The ones that make you feel warm (and later wishing that you never had it)? This looked like one of them. For a day it was in my pocket, then I took it out and took this really Epic picture:
As you can see I’m sort of a genius at photography. And contrary to what my father says, I’m pretty sure it’s not a genetic trait.
I thought this was one of those chocolates with alcohol in the centre. I love chocolate, but I absolutely hate alcohol. Not as if I’ve ever tasted it, but I can’t stand the sight of people drinking it, because in the end they’re inevitably going to end up drunk. And nobody likes drunk human beings.
It looked pretty nice from the outside, with gold foil and all, but I knew that it was probably disgusting on the inside. After all, it has alcohol in it. And not even the pure ethyl alcohol sort of thing that they put on your hand before an injection in the hospital (actually, come to think of it, that thing does seem an awful lot like regular alcohol, by the way it smells). But it was a hard choice; was I going to try it, or let it rot in my pocket till it melts and becomes a gooey mess. Or shall I just let it be for the ants to have a feast… Hey, I’m wondering, if the ants ever got to have this thing, would they get drunk and start behaving erratically? As if ants aren’t erratic enough, imagine drunk ants!
Enough about ants, let me tell you what really happened.
I opened up that gold foil, not carefully with surgical precision as you would not expect me to do, but rather with a sort of rugged softness that you’d find in the hands of a Scottish farmer who takes care of his potatoes really well. It looked like chocolate to me, so I ate it.
And that was the day I never ate another bite of that terrible thing ever again. Though I’m pretty sure my friend, who had a small piece, became drunk. He started playing Mario Kart on the DS against me, and he was playing REALLY badly. Not that he doesn’t play badly anyway. Playing a videogame against me is like practicing roundhouse kicks with Chuck Norris.