2012 is for madcaps and half-eaten sandwiches.

posted in: Childhood Posts | 0


Everytime I see the word 2012 in a sentence that deals with natural disasters, destruction or the end of the world, I die a little inside. Not in the rhetoric sense either, I actually die; every second you live is a second closer to your death, so life is actually a process of dying. Except reading about 2012 is a second wasted. And nobody likes wasted seconds, even if they’re really small.

I know that no one believes that 2012 is actually going to be the end of the world, but most people seem to think that something bad is bound to happen. Some people refuse to say that they believe that anything’s going to happen, but deep down they know that something cataclysmic is going to happen. These sort of people should just stick their head into an empty jam jar while no one is at home.

The recent Tsunamis in Japan and New Zealand weren’t caused by God, and it isn’t a precede to 2012.  And surprisingly enough it isn’t caused due to the movement in Tectonic Plates. What happened was that I was just bored so I decided to play Godfinger on my iPad. Then the real God (that is Arceus, the God of Pokémon) mistook my finger for his finger, and caused a Tsunami. But theThe movie practically advertises Bentleys and Russian Antinovs. IT guys must have done something wrong because I ordered for a hurricane, and not an earthquake. There, now all you governments can send your SWAT teams after me.

You see, the problem with 2012 is that it’s totally unrealistic. Not that unrealistic is a bad thing, because otherwise how would we find Waldo? The fact remains that the prophecy of 2012 was written by a bunch of 16 year old kids who lived many millennia ago. Do you really think that the world would end at the EXACT same time that a bunch of procrastinating ancient Mayans would prophesize?

The goverment in this book is very similiar to our school. Big Brother is never not watching us.

A much more realistic scenario would be what happens in George Orwell’s 1984. Or Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death. In 1984, a ruthless government kills people while practically taking away their rights. And the central figure, Big Brother, whose presence looms over the entire country of Airstrip One, is very reminiscent to the way some governments (and schools) function.

In Amusing Ourselves to Death, people die by watching too much TV and getting too much of what they want, a stark contrast to 1984, but it’s still possible.

These are worse scenarios than “2012”. The only thing I see dying due to a cataclysmic natural disaster is a caterpillar who has been stepped on by your shoe. It’s called natural selection.

And why 2012, couldn’t they have chosen a better number like 1337 or 1517 or 1729 or even 2042?

In the end I would like to say that I want to wake up in the morning on December 21st 2012 and call up my friend and say “I like ice-cream”. Then I’d hang up.

Follow Upamanyu Acharya:

IIM Ahmedabad MBA 2021. My hobbies include being vague, bending rules, time-travel, and embellishment of words. This is my personal blog where I write on topics ranging from blockchain, to leadership skills and the consistency of jam.

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